Healing
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: A one shot where Morgan walks in on Reid in the bathroom about to take the drugs. Furious Morgan demans to know what's going on and Reid breaks down in front of him. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!


******This was because I was dissapointed that they didn't do more on the drug storyline with Reid-even though they did more then I thought they were going to do.

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Reid paced back and forth the bathroom, feeling claustrophobic. He went to the sink and looked into the mirror. Flashes of Tobias entered his brain. Flashes of the victims also entered. He took out the Dilaudid and stared at it. With shaking hands he took out a needle. Did he dare use it again? He used it the night before, to chase away the nightmares.

Suddenly the door opened and there stood Morgan. Reid stared at Morgan, fear circling his eyes. Morgan looked clearly furious.

"What the hell are you doing?" Morgan shouted, he grabbed the Dilaudid out of Reid's hand.

"No, don't!" Reid sounded desperate. "I need them!" Morgan stared at the drugs, his body shaking. He _knew _Reid was going through a hard time,but he had _never _considered Reid to be a drug addict. _Never. _

"Is this what that Tobias bastard gave you?" Reid nodded, miserable at getting caught. A part of him wondered if he wanted to get caught though.

"It helps..." Reid whispered. "It helps with the pain...that's what he said anyway. And he's right."

Tears formed in Morgan's eyes.

"What pain?" He still couldn't believe someone as innocent as Reid was doing drugs.

Reid shook his head and stared at the mirror.

"Come on man." Morgan's voice was soft. "TALK to me. We're all here for you."

"Really?" Reid snapped. "You're really here for me?"

Morgan nodded.

"Well you weren't when I was captured, were you? I was completly alone in that shack. Alone with a lunatic."

Morgan winced at the truth of those words.

"We didn't abandon you, Reid. Or give up on you."

It was Reid's turn to wince at the word abandon.

He sighed.

"I know..."His voice quavered. "And I'm sorry...for saying that."

"Don't be sorry. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong."

A tear trickled down Reid's cheek.

"That's not true," he whispered. Morgan stared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I sent her away. I sent my mom away..."He bit his lip. "When he drugged me I relived that moment as if it was yesterday...relived everything..."

Morgan closed his eyes.

"Are you taking these drugs as a form of punishment?"

Reid shrugged and glanced at the mirror again.

"Come on, man, talk to me," Morgan pleaded for a second time.

Reid continued to stare at the mirror.

"I see myself now, as the victims," he whispered. "I see myself in their shoes. I feel their fear. I close my eyes and I become them."

"It's called empathy, Reid. It's not a bad thing to have."

"No, I know." Reid shook his head. "It's just...I can't sleep now, Morgan. I lay there in bed and I see the faces of the the dead bodies...I know how terrified they must of felt. How helpless. Then I see Tobias...I remember the things he did to me. Or what Charles did to me. And I wonder, why me?"

Morgan frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean WHY did I survive and not the others? What makes me so damned special? So important...So different."

He stared at Morgan.

"I don't deserve to live," he whispered. "And they don't deserve to die."

Morgan shook his head.

"No, you're wrong Reid. I mean they DO deserve to live, but SO do you! Don't hate yourself for suriving."

"Survivors guilt," Reid muttered. "Never thought I'd experience it."

He paced back and forth and stared at the drugs in Morgan's hand. Morgan couldn't belive the guilt the kid was carrying. No wonder he was doing drugs. He just wished he could help him some how.

Suddenly Reid slammed his first into the wall, causing Morgan to jump.

"What the hell?"

"WHY me?" Reid sounded angry now. He turned to Morgan. "What did I ever to do him? Why was I taken? Did I do something wrong? Besides sending my mother away? Did I...deserve to be tortured like that? Held at gunpoint?" Begging for my life? Being forced to pick and chose who lives or dies?"

"No, of course not."

"Then WHY?" Hot angry tears were rolling down Reid's cheeks. He couldn't hide the anger that had been sizzling inside of him for all this time. He couldn't contain it. "Why Morgan? Why? Why did that couple have to die? Why did this have to happen to me? Why?" He hit the wall at each why. Suddenly Reid started to break down. He shoulders shook and sagged and he slid onto the floor. Morgan quickly sat next to him, in shock over what was happening. "Why?" Reid kept on repeating. "Why?" As he leaned his head against Morgan's shoulders, cheeks cascading in tears.

"I don't know why this happened to you, Spencer..."Morgan decided it was best to use the kids first name. "I really don't and I really really wish I did. Bad shit happens to good people. That's just the way the world works. It sucks, but you did _nothing wrong _do you hear me? NOTHING wrong."

Still shaking Reid nodded and swallowed, slowly comforted by hearing Morgan's voice.

"And you're NOT alone Reid. You have us. We won't leave you. We won't abadon you...ever. No matter what happens we're here for you. Always."

More sobs formed as Reid released the weeks of stress, guilt, tension, anger, and remorse that was hidden deep inside him. As he dumped the drugs into the trashcan Morgan held him and rocked Reid back and forth. Waiting for the tears to stop and waiting for the healing to begin.

**I'm not used to writing one shots so I hope this was an okay one!**


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